Sunday, April 22, 2007
I don't really like conflict, but sometimes, it just comes up. Tonight I was playing a game with some seminarian friends of mine and I started to take some things personally that were happening and I felt attacked and was being competitive. When one of my friends started to take things personally as well, she snapped at me and I snapped at her. I am not sure what will happen because she stormed out and then I did. And we're grown adults! After a while, I felt bad and appologized because what I said had been more ludicrous than what she said and anyway, I shouldn't have said it. But her feelings were hurt and she doesn't want to talk to me. Looking back, the whole thing seems so unnecessary to me. If I had just moved out of my own selfishness in the moment that I snapped at her, I wouldn't be in the situation of having hurt my friend and possibly having permanently damaged the friendship. I think that much of the conflict in the world happens in this same way. We get selfish and we do something stupid without thinking about how our actions affect others, then pride comes in and blocks our ability to limit the damage that's already been done. I don't want discord in the world and yet it is one of those things which I am completely unable to get rid of. We all do stupid things. The most amazing thing is that despite this thickheaded inability to do what's right, even when we know full well what it is that is right, God somehow still values us. Tonight I don't have a whole lot of use for myself, but somehow God still does. How do I know that? I don't really, but I believe the Gospel message which is that God loves us enough to overcome sin for us. I wish I could prevent this discord, but even now when writing this blog entry, I believe I had a reason to be upset even if what I said was wrong. I still feel the need to press the point. And maybe we have to make our feelings known in order to have healthy relationships, but it makes it easy to understand how very different strangers can fight when good friends do.