Vida y Misión

About a week ago (the weekend of November 10 and 11), we had the Asemblea de Vida y Mision (Life and Mission Assembly) of the IELU (Iglesia Evangelica Luterana Unida – Unted Evangelical Lutheran Church) of Argentina and Uruguay, with guests from the Evangelical Lutheran Churches of Peru and Chile. It was great to meet people from all over these countries and to learn about their churches and ministries.

This gathering was held in Buenos Aires at ISEDET (Instituto Superior Evangélico de Estudios Teológicos - The Evangelical Upper-level Institute of Theological Studies), which is an ecumenical (representing most of the historic protestant churches in Latin America) seminary affiliated with the IELU. Talking with seminarians there made me miss LSTC, and reflect on the similarities between the two seminaries. From what I observed, seminarians at ISEDET were discussing familiar issues such as how to be engaged in ministry in an ever-changing religious dynamic (such as the growth of pentecostal and evangelical churches) and in light of current social and political realities. Students entering seminary with the IELU come straight from secondary school (high school), and have four years of studies, followed by two years of internship.

This was not a church policy assembly, but rather a gathering to come together as a church (everyone – pastors, lay members, etc.) and to discuss “Spirituality in our present context, from a Lutheran perspective.” To symbolize coming together from many different places, we interwove bright pieces of fabric (see picture). We heard from IELU vice president Dr. Guillermo Hansen, former ISEDET professor Dr. John Stumme, and Gettysburg Seminary president Dr. Michael Cooper White.

Dr. Guillermo Hansen’s remarks reflected the focus of the gathering. He opened up the theme of spirituality by focusing on these words from Martin Luther: “A Christian lives not in himself/herself, but in Christ and his/her neighbor.” He discussed various issues in Christian spirituality, such as the privatization of the Holy Spirit and how religion becomes only a portion of one’s life. He explained how the Protestant Reformation signified a questioning of old and new spiritualities. Luther talked about a “living God,” and this creates a tension (with sin). He brought up this key point: The Christian does not live enclosed, but lives in Christ by faith, in their neighbor by love, and the creation by hope. Here’s the synthesis: The Spirit of Christ lives a amazing, free, and unexpected character of grace. That grace comes to be from God that is made weak, that accompanies us, and heals us for a new life.

Changes

Leaves change and so do I, I guess. These last few months and weeks I have been thinking more and more about changing to become an MDiv student instead of an M.A. student. Contemplating that change requires many different layers of thought. Is God really calling me to do this? Am I practically able to respond to that call financially, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually? Is my faith a faith that can live through being a pastor? And then, what do I need to change, right now, about myself to start living in a way that would coincide with being a pastor?

My last blog was a bit preachy. I've felt sort of strange about it for a long time, but think that the issue is important enough I wanted to throw it out there. And yet, it occurs to me that maybe this isn't the sort of thing a pastor ought to do. Perhaps a pastor ought to just love his or her neighbor, lead by example and not try to "preach" at people. Maybe it doesn't really work for anyone to "preach" at people.

Anyway, I am pondering all of these things in my heart as I contemplate exactly what is at stake if I choose to follow this new path, exactly what I would be gaining, giving up. Whose path before me is this? Mine? God's?

Words

One of the things that has really changed inside of me in Seminary is my feeling about words. When I came to seminary, I was a somewhat reluctant convert to gender inclusive language about just general things like "firefighters" "mailperson" etc. I always argued that these words IMPLIED inclusion, by usage, and therefore, why did we need to change the way things always were. I most emphatically did not want to change the way I spoke about God. Even though my papers risked being downgraded for doing so, I stubbornly refused to speak of God as other than "He."

Then, last year, I had the honor of taking Dr. Klein's Pentateuch class. Dr. Klein doesn't lecture about using gender inclusive langauge, he models it. After hearing Klein use "God" and sometimes (even) "She" to refer to God, I started to let down my defenses. After a while, I realized that speaking of God as "God" for lack of an appropriate pronoun was okay. I even began to think about the negative consequences of holding to the past and calling God "he" exclusively. In my systematics class, Vitor Westelle spoke about the way language about God can become an idol. We get so engrossed in our ways of speaking and thinking about God that we begin to prescribe God rather than describe God.

And I believed.

So I started to model using gender inclusive language about God. Now, more and more, I am insisting upon it from my colleagues as I see that perhaps the rest of the world isn't quite as rosy as I had believed it was. I am beginning to see that there are still places in our society where people don't realize that women and men are ontologically equal in the eyes of God, not to mention equal in society.

What had really changed in me was my belief about the power of words. I believe that words can shape the way we think, can affect us subtly in ways that we are not even aware, can seep into our thought patterns and the way our brain shapes its perceptions of the world around us. So it became very important for me to use gender inclusive language everywhere.

BUT, like most revelations of this sort, the implications went farther than just the way I speak about God. I've begun to think more and more about language now that I believe the people who have always told me that language affects the way we think. I have started to wonder whether the way we talk about other things might affect the way we think. And what keeps standing out in my mind is the way we talk about violence, about sex, and about the combination of the two.

I have always been one of those girls who blushes and gets a little nervous when people start making sexual innuendos. I don't know why that is, but it is true. I have gotten "better" in recent years and have even "learned" to make a few myself. Society has taught me that making sexual innuendos is a way of bonding with other people, that it is "funny" to talk about sex in an informal and often flippant way. It still bothers me, but I have "learned" that this is a problem with me, not with society.

Lately I have become more aware of the pervasiveness of sexual comments around me. Some of the comments have been made by men and women that I really respect. (I unfortunately am prone to unreasonable respect that doesn't allow the recipient to be human, and I am working on that problem.) I wondered whether I was just a prude who wanted to revert to the Victorian era when society had a very unhealthy relationship about sex because people were not allowed to talk about it. (I began thinking of how in that time period it was perfectly acceptable to talk about money and God, but not about money or sex. I wondered whether the shift of being able to talk in the general population about sex, but not God and money, simply meant I was born in the wrong generation. I wonder what it means about our society?)

So to get back from my digression, I began to wonder whether I was just an unhealthy prude in my conversation. I observed the language that bothered me. I can't repeat any of it because I will blush too much. Mostly it was graphic. Some of it involved violence. It came from both men and women. Almost exclusively it involved sex acts between people who were not married or even dating or even "hooking up" but sexual acts which aren't about lust or love, but about power, or violence or vaguely about making someone else feel bad by saying "that's not what your mom said last night when I was. . ." The comments that didn't really bother me were those which were accidental plays on words. Those comments when someone looks at you in a strange way to make you realize you've said something that could be taken the wrong way didn't really bother me. I began to wonder about the difference. And the difference was the way in which both people and sex were being objectified.

I am a prude, and I need to get over the way my Puritanical roots prevent me from being entirely comfortable talking about consensual sex between loving partners. BUT I don't think I am a prude because I do not like to laugh about sexual acts or implied sexual acts that are violent or are intended to make sex into an act of power or even those which are competitively intended to mean nothing other than the fact that you are better at coming up with creative ways of implying that you had sex with someone's mom. EVEN IN JEST. It isn't okay to degrade people of other cultures, etc. in jest, and it isn't okay to degrade sex in jest. Why? Because language matters, because language affects the way we think, because it seeps into the way our brain shapes its perceptions of the world around us. WE ARE OVERWHELMED by negative images of sex. As believers in God's promised kingdom, we are called to model that kingdom when possible. Violent sexual comments is just right out. Even in private. Even in jest.

Jesus obviously thought a lot about keeping sex a good and sacred thing by suggesting that lust was committing adultery in the heart. We can think about the cultural differences and the implications of paternity in a day before DNA testing and how that might have affected ways that sex was talked about in the Bible, but it doesn't change the fact that sex is something which was taken seriously by Jesus. I cannot imagine that, faced with Jesus, anyone would make a "your mom" joke. And I believe in a pretty human Jesus that would find some things pretty funny, who might have engaged in good natured joking with the disciples, who might have misworded some things at times and had to deal with Peter snickering in the corner. But I cannot imagine a Jesus who would say to Andrew something that would be the first-century equivalent of "who would you rather do-- Mary Magdalene or Martha?" It simply isn't consistent with the teachings of respect in the gospels.

Simply put (after all this space I just took up) I think we need to be careful about how we speak about sex and about people. Having competitions to think of the most creative ways to make demeaning comments only trains our brains to think of those comments. And it desensitizes the people around us. Just as I don't think it is appropriate to call God "He" in a group of all men, so also I think it is inappropriate to make objectifying comments about men in a group of all women, even a group of close friends. Does that mean I am never guilty of doing this? Of course not. One of the actors on the new Battlestar Gallactica has been the subject of my objectification. But he won't ever hear about it. Does it hurt anything?

Pictures and paperwork

Here in Chicago, the weather changed this week, so that the air is crisp and the wind causes the branches of the trees to sway. It feels like the senior class, too, subtly changed from focusing on the joy of being back together at LSTC to looking towards what the next step in our journeys will be. On Monday, we had our senior pictures taken for our composite class photo, which will hang in the second floor hallway of LSTC after we graduate. (It reminded me of having my picture taken in elementary school, only with a clerical collar this time)! Yesterday, many of us met with Rev. Paul Landahl in the Field Education office to learn how to fill out the paperwork that will help us be assigned first to a region of the country, then to a specific synod, and finally, will aid in determining where our first call to a ministry setting will take place.

It is hard to believe that in less than a year, my class will be scattered around the country, in small towns and big cities, preaching, working with youth, serving as chaplains, and leading worship. I'm excited as I think about the different gifts that each person will bring to the setting where they end up, but realizing that, as a class, we don't have that much time left together here in Hyde Park makes me pause. I want to savor our days here, as we walk through the changes of these days and months, and enjoy the time that we are living in now, as we prepare for the time to come.

October Obligatories

Did you know that the apple orchards of Michigan are only about an hour from LSTC? It’s true. I have the pictures to prove it.


Last weekend my wife and I drove over to Three Oaks, MI, which, according to their welcome sign, is the Home of Prancer the Movie. We didn’t see any reindeer, but we did find a little apple orchard just outside of town where we plucked apples off branches until we had a bag full of Honeycrisps and Granny Smiths and everything in between. I’m hoping for some apple pie. (Homer Simpson voice: Mmmm….apple pie.) We also picked up a big bright orange pumpkin that is currently eyeing my carving knife with suspicion.

As we drove back to LSTC on a gorgeous 70 degree day, we marveled at the many trees that line the streets of Hyde Park and frame the gothic structures of the University of Chicago campus. They’re finally adorned in their golden October crowns – a big finish before we all shiver our way into the frigid winter to come. At least we've got our apples to keep us warm...

Jesus heals the Impenetrable

Luke 17:11-19 (NRSV) 11 On the way to Jerusalem Jesus was going through the region between Samaria and Galilee. 12 As he entered a village, ten lepers1 approached him. Keeping their distance, 13 they called out, saying, "Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!" 14 When he saw them, he said to them, "Go and show yourselves to the priests." And as they went, they were made clean. 15 Then one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice. 16 He prostrated himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him. And he was a Samaritan. 17 Then Jesus asked, "Were not ten made clean? But the other nine, where are they? 18 Was none of them found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" 19 Then he said to him, "Get up and go on your way; your faith has made you well."

Last weekend when I was preaching, I thought the end times were coming, but it was really just the clanging of big rocks that kids were throwing onto the roof, and the sound of dogs barking. Preaching in my second language (Spanish) is challenging, but it’s getting better. The Gospel lesson was 17:11-19, where Jesus cleanses ten lepers.
The pain and suffering the lepers endured because their infected skin was magnified by the infected looks they received as they were socially ostracized because of the religious views around leprosy.
In the interior of the Chaco province in Northern Argentina, where I’m living, there are neglected indigenous communities that are dying of hunger. They live in a region known as “El Impenetrable (The Impenetrable),” because of its lack of water and thorn scrubs. (The living conditions in Chaco are starting to get a little more international attention: http://news.uk.msn.com/Article.aspx?cp-documentid=6319354) Many of the people there move to the outskirts of Resistencia, the city I’m living in, only to be further ostracized by the people here.
Last weekend we also had a province-wide social assembly where various social development organizations gathered to network and discuss various social issues, one of which was the extreme hunger of the indigenous communities. To speak on this issue was a delegate from the indigenous community, Jose Carlos. As he spoke you could feel the pain of his community in his voice. Then in this secular assembly, he expressed his faith in Jesus, and how Jesus challenged oppression, and struggled for justice.
When Jesus cleansed the ten lepers, only one returned to give thanks. So what happened to the other nine? Were they just plain ungrateful? Or had they been infected for so long, both physically and socially (both by their blistering skin and the shame they felt every time they had to warn others that they were “unclean”), that when they had been healed they couldn’t even believe it, let alone give thanks to their healer? Had the reign of oppression become so normal that it mad the reign of God seem foreign?
Poverty in our church (Misión Maria Magdalena - see photo) community on the outskirts of Resistencia eats away like leprosy. Children are underfed and mothers go through the dumpster to find food. When it seems that all I can see is the effect of the reign of discrimination, corrupt politicians, and yes, even the policy of the U.S.; it’s hard to see beyond it to see the reign of God. When we go through difficult times, when we are in pain, when society ignores us, it is hard to see God’s grace.
Like the nine lepers, it is hard to see that because of Jesus, we have been healed. It is hard to look past this world of pain, and see that Jesus is bringing a new world, that in heaven there won’t be all this leprosy, oppression, suffering and pain.
We read that even though society doesn’t see the lepers, Jesus sees them! Over and over (especially in Luke) Jesus reminds the oppressed that God’s reign is a complete reversal of what they are experiencing now. They have dignity and beauty in God’s sight, and they shall be healed and free.
The leper who returned to give thanks to Jesus was a Samaritan (a foreigner, despised by the Jews), which made him the oppressed of the oppressed. Despite all this, he saw past the way the world looked at him and recognized in Jesus’ look that the One who gave him dignity, sees it in him, and promises him that it will be restored in him.
When I heard Jose Carlos express his hope in Jesus in the midst of his pain regarding the current situation of his people in the Impenetrable, I thought about this leper that returned to give thanks to Jesus. It is this beautiful ability to see the grace in the midst of suffering.
Even though I see the hunger on the faces of the children in our church community, when they come to the church for merienda (afternoon snack) and dig into a ham and cheese sandwich, in their eyes there is a moment of grace.
As overwhelming as the leprosy of this world is, may we feel the grace in Jesus’ healing look, to which nothing is impenetrable. Like the Samaritan leper, may this look bring us to our knees, and give us the strength to praise God, and give thanks to Jesus.

A Week in the Life

Hello there, web wayfarer. I’m Matt Keadle, and I’ll be blogging here this year…and maybe attending some classes and other stuff, too. You can see my picture there on the right hand side of the page…that’s pretty cool.

Anyway, I thought for my first posting I’d just offer up my schedule for the last week because it was a little crazy. I’ll leave a theological framework out of it – use your own hermeneutic and interpret away…

Sunday: Put on clerical collar that was purchased yesterday. Look in the mirror; take a deep breath. Go to Ministry-in-Context site. Notice that although it’s October it feels like July outside. Open all the windows in the sanctuary. Assist in worship. Miscommunicate with church musician; confuse congregation. Realize that everything went okay anyway. Shake lots of hands. In the afternoon, go to football practice. Do homework. Check score of Bears-Packers game. Cheer Bears on to victory. Sleep satisfied.

Monday: Systematic Theology class. Chapel. Hebrew class. Preaching class. Homework, dinner. Guitar lesson on the North Side. Stay up until the wee hours working on a paper on Galatians.

Tuesday: Preaching lab. Chapel. In the afternoon, go to work at 1st and 2nd grade after-school program, i.e. play with kids for 4 hours. Come home, finish off paper, other homework. Think about Endorsement interview coming Thursday. Sleep.

Wednesday: Systematic Theology class. Meet w/Field Education office about internship possibilities for next year. Chapel. Hebrew class with a quiz. In the evening, have dinner with member of candidacy committee. Letters of Paul night class. Think about Endorsement interview tomorrow.

Thursday: 9am Endorsement interview!!! Remind self that it is not the most important thing in the world even if you have been worrying about it for over a year. It goes well; exhale with relief. Immediately afterwards: finish Hebrew homework. Go to Hebrew class. Crash for the rest of the afternoon. Play basketball in the evening.

Friday: Meet w/Ministry-in-Context supervisor. Try to do some homework in the afternoon. At night, go to Becky’s birthday party across the street. Trade tales of Endorsement interviews with classmates.

Saturday: Go to Preaching Stewardship conference. Give up a day off, but enjoy helpful lectures, free stuff. Come home satisfied. Go out for pizza to celebrate the week finally being over.

Sunday: Bypass clerical collar – no worship assisting today. Put on Garfield novelty tie instead. Go to Ministry-in-Context site. Notice that it although it is October it feels like January outside. Wait for radiators to heat up. Go to church council meeting after worship. When you get home, check score of Bears game. Turn off Bears game in disgust. Go to football practice. Catch up on dishes. Study for Hebrew midterm exam. Be distracted by Zach practicing banjo in the apartment downstairs. Set homework aside, practice guitar instead. Write for blog. Go to sleep.

Fall

Well, I am a little late to get back to blogging after summer break, but better late than never, I guess.

I spent half the summer in Germany visiting a German friend who had been here at LSTC in an exchange program for a year. I still can't quite digest the experience. It was my first time in Europe, my first really extended trip outside of the United States and certainly the first time I had been somewhere other than the U.S. when I wasn't a tourist. Since I stayed with my friend's family, I got to know a lot more about what her life (and theirs) was really like. I befriended all three of her little brothers and occasionally still get e-mails from them. I think it was important in their life to meet a crazy American. I actually blogged the entire time I was there, so I will try to post some comments later when I have time to find a few interesting sections. What I can say, on balance, from this trip is that I learned about what it is to be an American by being in Germany. I hadn't ever really understood how prevalent American culture is everywhere else. I didn't understand how much English is the langua franca of large parts of the world. It was strange not to speak any German at all when I left and to be able to do most everything because everyone spoke English at least a little. And my friends family all spoke English. I was impressed.

I went to church in Germany --my friend's father is a pastor. It was very interesting because even though I had just arrived and didn't know any German, I could still get a general sense of the message. It was a little daunting to see a church service there and really completely realize for the first time that there are people communing and preaching and worshiping all over the world almost all the time. But I must note that the church was almost empty. In America we worry that people are leaving the church and that attendance is down, but we have nowhere near the problem that Europe does in that respect.

More on all of this later,
Wendy

Walking Feet

This past week in Constructive Theology, we discussed Frederick Buechner's Alphanbet of Grace. The quote that I will remember most from the book is his discourse on vocation: “Thus, when you wake up in the morning, called by God to be a self again, if you want to know who you are, watch your feet. Because where your feet take you, that is who you are.”

I look forward to being back at LSTC for my senior year and blogging where all my feet take me.

For now, I don’t want my feet to take me very far. I am looking forward to staying local to LSTC, the University of Chicago, and Hyde Park. I’ve been far away on internship this past year, traveled much, and ready to stick close to home.

An Introduction

I'm Jordan Miller, an M.Div senior at LSTC who will be joining "The Seminarian's Sojourn" blog this year. I'm originally from Buffalo, NY, and came to LSTC right after I graduated from college. I spent this past year on internship in Austin, TX, at a congregation where I was their 41st intern! I loved being able to learn from and with such a unique group of people, who give me great hope in the future of the church.

I'm glad to be back in Chicago with the LSTC community this year, as I move towards graduation and first call. I look forward to sharing my journey with you as we go along!

New writers coming soon!

I'm grateful to Josh who is writing from his Internship in Argentina (as you can see!) and to Becky (second year Dual Degree student) and Wendy (third year MA student) who plan to continue writing. YAY! Since Lisa and Ben are 1) a graduate and 2) on-the-brink-of-graduation, respectively... we are now seeking LSTC seminarians to join in the blog for the 2007-2008 academic year. Look for a senior and two first year students to join us soon!

Pastor Joy

Pictures of Plaza 25 de Mayo

Here are some pictures of the Plaza 25 de Mayo, the main plaza in the center of the city, which happens to be one of the larger central plazas. To see more pictures, go to: http://picasaweb.google.com/JoshEbener/Argentina

My Internship in Argentina

I have just started my internship year at LSTC, which is the third of the four year Master of Divinity program. The internship year where we are sent all over the country and world for full time ministry under the supervision of a pastor/supervisor: http://www.elca.org/candidacy/pdf/internship.pdf
I’ll be doing my internship in Resistencia, Argentina, with the ELCA Global Mission Horizon International Internship program: http://www.elca.org/outreach/leadership/leadership_horizon.html

Argentina is finishing up its winter, so when I arrived a couple weeks ago it was 40’s and 50’s. It may seem strange to those of you sweating in 90s and 100s that I broke out the winter coat, long underwear, and am clinging to a box heater. I am also sipping lots of mate, the classic Argentine tea, which I may actually like more than coffee.
I took an overnight flight to Buenos Aires, where I spent a day, where I got to meet the directors of ELCA Global Mission here, as well as the president and staff of the IELU (Iglesia Evangelica Luterana Unida - United Evangelical Lutheran Church), and to see some of downtown Buenos Aires. We walked past a political rally, which was for Cristina Kirchner, the wife of current president Néstor Kirchner, who seems to be the current front-runner for the presidential elections to be held in October (an exciting time to be here). I then took an overnight bus to Resistencia, the city I’ll be doing my internship in, and my pastor/supervisor picked me up.

The terrain is flat and swampy with tropical plants and lagoons. Resistencia, a city of roughly 400,000 people, is a city of sculptures of all sorts of styles. The city centers around a very large plaza (see photo), Plaza 25 de Mayo (25th of May), which is the actual Independence Day of Argentina (and also my birthday). The culture here is distinct, especially as compared to Buenos Aires. It’s more laid back and they have a nice siesta in the afternoons. This is the capital and main urban center of the province of Chaco. Chaco is home to many indigenous people, who are an ostracized minority in the country. Chaco is also one of the poorest provinces in the country. There are many children throughout the province who suffer from malnutrition. Because of these realities, there are many people that migrate to the city and settle on the outskirts.

So far I have been getting acquainted with my pastor/supervisor, who along with the other people I’ve met, has been very warm and welcoming. I have already gotten to attend a worship service at Misión Maria Magdalena (Mary Magdalene Mission), which is on the outskirts of Resistencia. The church has been a driving force for, and partner with, many social programs in the neighborhood, and the pastor works with a couple of social workers. There are hot meals for children, after-school programs, health programs, and several other programs the church is involved with. The other church I’ll be with is San Mateo in Corrientes, a city of about the same size, which is across the Parana river.

I preached at both churches last weekend for the first time on Luke 13:10-17, “Jesus Heals a Crippled Woman.” I talked about how revolutionary this act was and all the cultural and social rules Jesus was breaking by healing the woman. The woman had been ostracized and defined by these social rules. When society tries to define us, it’s hard not to listen to them. It can sometimes be so much that it has us bent over like the woman. That’s when Jesus comes and with a touch he helps us stand up straight, and reminds us that we are not who society says we are, that we are full of dignity and wonderful in God’s sight.

I’m excited about ministry in this context, I will continue to keep you posted.

Outdoor Ministry Ambassadors

It was an incredible summer for those who paved the way in our pilot program of connecting seminarians with outdoor ministry settings. Here are some of their words and photos:

Tom with campers at Lutherdale
Elkhorn, Wisconsin

Tom with campers at Camp Carol Joy Holling

We also had OMAs travel to Sky Ranch, Ewalu, Camp Kirchenwald, Pine Lake, Camp Shalom, Nebraska Lutheran Outdoor Ministries--it was a great summer!

Holly Philips said this:

My week at Sky Ranch was phenomenal. It was a great camp to have vocation conversations. The on-site program director, Andy, gave me 1 1/2 hours of staff meetings a day to talk about vocation, theology and LSTC. It was a gift. I built relationships with the counselors during each day, through hikes, low and high ropes, Bible Studies. I then was able to use those experiences to talk about Christian vocation. Many people were interested in seminary, were surprised by the various programs and were excited to have the opportunity to voice their opinions and questions in group discussion. I followed up with many of them in one on one conversations.

I think this is an important ministry. I think it is vital that our seminary participates and exposes people to camping and youth and family ministry. I would love to be part of continuing to make things like this happen.

Here are a few words from Matt Ley, MDiv:

This summer I worked for LSTC as an Outdoor Ministries Ambassador (OMA) at three different camps in the Midwest during the month of July. At each camp I would arrive on Sunday morning, be greeted, shown around camp, introduced to the people working there at a group meeting and then would instantly be set to work welcoming parents and campers. I would then spend the next five days getting to know the ministry style of each camp, the relationships of the people working at the camp and the rhythm of the week all while trying to figure out how I fit into all of it. My job description was pretty open. Basically I was called on to “do ministry” and to have conversations with staff about vocation and seminary, though none of this was structured. I found ways to do this through the traditional means of leading Bible studies and speaking at campfires but also through washing dishes, weed eating, walking campers to the bathroom, eating meals, working at canteen and various other day-to-day activities. Then each Friday evening, I was invited out to eat with the staff after all the campers had gone home, say my good byes and travel back to Chicago for a 30-hour break. It was the most engaging, exhausting and rewarding ministry I have ever been apart of.

What struck me the most with the whole experience is how much like parish ministry it was. I was an individual with a somewhat ambiguous title (What is an OMA?) that enters a pre-existing community as an outsider who is looking to be not just an insider but a leader and resource within the community. I had to learn the lay of a new geographical location, peoples’ names and roles, the relationships between these people and the way the term “ministry” was understood all within the first 24 hours. During all of this, I had to try and explain my purpose to people who already had preconceived notions of my identity based solely on my title as either an OMA or, more often, as a future pastor. If this doesn’t sound what coming into a new church is like then my first call we be more of a shock then I already assume.
That is why I wish everyone who hopes to work in the church would take advantage of this opportunity. Not only is it a great trial run for future ministry, but many churches see their relationships to a particular camp as a major portion of their youth ministry. So to be able to enter call scenarios with the ability to say you have familiarity with camp ministry will be a big bonus. Also, for those who are nervous about youth ministry what better opportunity will you find to observe youth ministry without having to be in charge. You could probably spend the whole week just attending bible studies, campfires and just walking around without ever having to lead if you really wanted to.

For me though the greatest benefit was getting to engage with the counselors and staff, who are some of the strongest church leaders we have, and to watch them in action. This experience is as close to “cloud of witnesses” and I think one can ever get. It was amazing to see young adults sharing their faith with children and each other day in and day out for peanuts in salary (usual pay works out to about 50¢/hour). After a year of getting burned out and beat up in academic and theological study at seminary, it was a blessing to be bolstered and lifted up by these people. It really put what I am doing at seminary into perspective, which is something I believe all of us need a healthy dose of from time to time.

Internship Sending

Last Wednesday our class, many of us in the "Middler (second year)" class were formally sent to internship. The past two years in seminary has flown by, it is hard to believe that we'll be all sent to different parts of the country and world next year. In fact, out of 51 of us, we're being sent to 17 different states and 4 different countries (U.S., Argentina, Tanzania and Norway). Our class has build strong bonds, and it will be hard to leave one another for the year, but it was a great feeling to make it to this point together.

For me, it was a feeling of both "wow, we made it," and a strong feeling of anticipation, "I can't wait." It still hasn't sunk in for me that I'm going to be going to Argentina. I am very excited about this opportunity to grow in ministry and be transformed by this context. I am excited to put all the course work to practice, for the rubber to hit the road. More to come, I better get back to my final papers...

"COO!"

It’s getting pretty busy around here at LSTC, as we only have two weeks left, and many final papers are already due next week. At this time students’ identity changes from “Tina” to “I am 25 more pages.” No longer do we say “Hello,” but we manage to utter, “two more exegesis papers.” Honestly, I don’t know why I’m typing in my Blog right now, when this could be counting as “one less page” if it was put into a paper. No, it’s not because I’m procrastinating, but rather because I wish to be in open dialogue with all of you. Really.

Anyway, as I’ve been writing my Systematic Theology II paper on various correlations between Christology, Soteriology, Ecclesiology, and Eschatology, in the midst of my inner-theological discourse, I heard cooing. That’s right, cooing. Then came the sound of wings flapping. It turns out it wasn’t angels coming to bring the eschaton (end of the world).

Some of you may recall my Blog in October about the squirrels outside my window. In the winter I changed rooms, and now instead of my bushy-tailed buddies throwing themselves into my window screen, I have the cooing and flapping of the pigeons to keep me company. So far I like them better because they haven’t eaten any of my mom’s cookies like the squirrels did.

Casting Out Fear

As I went for my morning run by the shore of Lake Michigan this morning (I wish I could show you the view of the city as the sun rose) I realized something about myself this year. There has been a common theme throughout my classes that has been fairly constant since the fall semester. It has had to do with fear and its manifestation in our lives. We fear the “other,” we fear God (not in the Martin Luther - we should fear, love, and trust kind of way), we fear our “authentic self.” These theme of fear have woven themselves throughout my learning. If I have learned anything it is that fear is paralyzing. It keeps us from living into the life that is intended for us. As class is soon beginning for the day, and I have a paper to write today, I cannot spend too much time on this topic now, but check back over the next couple days as I reflect on these different fears. I have a hunch that in the end, they won’t be that different.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…

Conflict

I don't really like conflict, but sometimes, it just comes up. Tonight I was playing a game with some seminarian friends of mine and I started to take some things personally that were happening and I felt attacked and was being competitive. When one of my friends started to take things personally as well, she snapped at me and I snapped at her. I am not sure what will happen because she stormed out and then I did. And we're grown adults! After a while, I felt bad and appologized because what I said had been more ludicrous than what she said and anyway, I shouldn't have said it. But her feelings were hurt and she doesn't want to talk to me. Looking back, the whole thing seems so unnecessary to me. If I had just moved out of my own selfishness in the moment that I snapped at her, I wouldn't be in the situation of having hurt my friend and possibly having permanently damaged the friendship. I think that much of the conflict in the world happens in this same way. We get selfish and we do something stupid without thinking about how our actions affect others, then pride comes in and blocks our ability to limit the damage that's already been done. I don't want discord in the world and yet it is one of those things which I am completely unable to get rid of. We all do stupid things. The most amazing thing is that despite this thickheaded inability to do what's right, even when we know full well what it is that is right, God somehow still values us. Tonight I don't have a whole lot of use for myself, but somehow God still does. How do I know that? I don't really, but I believe the Gospel message which is that God loves us enough to overcome sin for us. I wish I could prevent this discord, but even now when writing this blog entry, I believe I had a reason to be upset even if what I said was wrong. I still feel the need to press the point. And maybe we have to make our feelings known in order to have healthy relationships, but it makes it easy to understand how very different strangers can fight when good friends do.

Mourning with Virginia Tech

As the nation mourns with Virginia Tech after the mass killings there last Monday, our inability to understand such a tragedy burns inside of us.
In the Virginia Tech memorial convocation Tuesday evening, professor and poet Nikki Giovanni said:
"We are Virginia Tech.
We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning.
We are Virginia Tech.
We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly, we are brave enough to bend to cry, and we are sad enough to know that we must laugh again.
We are Virginia Tech.
We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy.
We are Virginia Tech.
The Hokie Nation embraces our own and reaches out with open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness.
We are the Hokies. We will prevail. We will prevail. We will prevail. We are Virginia Tech."
http://www.vt.edu/tragedy/giovanni_transcript.php

As we struggle to undertand this tragedy, our prayers go out all those who mourn at Virginia Tech, that God's healing presence would be felt.

After the Easter Lillies Wilt

I'm in Omaha tonight. It's my mother's 60th birthday. She's just a little upset about turning 60. I can understand it. I didn't particularly relish 30.

We're giving Mom a party. So I've been digging through old pictures and memorabilia in their basement. I found a picture of Mom being surprised at a birthday party for her when she was 34. I remember this party. And now, next month, I will turn 33. It's sort of strange when you get to be the age that you remember your parents being.

And it's a little strange for your parents to be 60 and not seem OLD to you. They don't seem old to me at all, but I know that at one point I considered 60 old. If I were really being honest with myself, I think I would have to admit that my dad is pretty bald, but he's been bald almost as long as I can remember and anyway, there are 23-year-olds at seminary who are bald. But he does have a few wrinkles. Mom's knee bothers her. She would argue that it has nothing to do with age and she's probably right. Still, there are little things that tell you they aren't completely untouched by time. Yet if you met my parents you would NEVER guess they are 60. It isn't just because they bought a Wii for themselves or that my mother likes to start a squirt gun fight every year at our Fourth of July party; they look young. Good genes, which I am pleased about, and they don't either of them drink or smoke or go to places where there is smoking. And they eat vegetables and my mom drinks milk.

The other day I was carded to buy a bottle of wine and the woman almost didn't let me get out of the store with it because she was convinced I had to have a fake i.d. I almost kissed her. I don't care when my students think I am supposed to be in the class, rather than teaching, on the first day. It's nice. When I was in high school and college I didn't like it much though.

I was studying the passage from Paul in 1 Thessalonians about the dead rising first. It makes me wonder always about how this is going to work. Do we get our bodies. In a class the other day someone was joking that she wanted her 19-year-old body. I think I'd take 24. It's a strange concept to think about. And then to think about cremation and the little problem of conservation of matter (assuming it will apply at the eschaton) and all the people who have existed and will exist. Who knows where we'll go. We'd probably just be too heavy for the earth if all people were alive bodily at the same time (Maybe it would just be believers? And anyway we'd have our 19 year old bodies so we'd be lighter.) The idea of the resurrection of the body is an interesting question. It is something I think about more and more at Easter time. Maybe we'll get cool walk-through-doors bodies like Jesus. Likely we will all be bodily resurrected to a place and in a way that we just don't understand now, but during this last Holy Week, I thought about it quite a lot.

My sister died when I was a child. My Godmother died last year. I've lost grandparents and friends and aunts and uncles and all sorts of people I love. As my parents get older, I am confronted with the finitude of their existence. I cannot imagine a world that is missing some of the people in my life. And perhaps the hardest part about grief, for me, is that I know that you live through it. You laugh other days and you do laundry and you go to work, even when someone in your life dies. And one of the reasons you are able to go back to life is the belief we all have in the life to come, the everlasting promise of Jesus on Easter.

And yet, I think about the resurrection of the body. And I think about all of that and I think that I would rather not know anything after I die if some of the people I have loved in my life, people who were not Christian, will not be wherever I am. And I would rather not know anything after I die if my baby sister will remain trapped inside of her infant body for eternity, unable to ever talk or understand the love that my family has for her. And I would rather my dad could have the afro-like hair back that he naturally had until it fell out.

I am comforted by the Easter message, but then I doubt. I doubt and I worry and I don't know how to accept that God is going to take care of all of my concerns and fears in ways I can't imagine. But I doubt.

In this post-Enlightenment world we live in, oftentimes non-Christians see Christians as those who just believe. Maybe the non-Christians think we are silly and superstitious for believing because they believe in something else (after all, belief in total logical positivism is itself an act of faith, but that's another blog). Maybe they think we are people who just happen to have this monolithic gift of faith that they don't. Sometimes I think we want to show people the love we feel in Christ so much, that we forget to show them our doubt, our struggle, our questions. What would it be like for us to say "Yes, I question all the same things that you question, all the things that seem foreign to our worldview. You don't have to believe all the time on every level to be Christian. You do have to nurture the little seedlings of your faith, but not believing all the time doesn't mean you are an unbeliever." Would the concept of Christianity which has so spread around our society by the more radical wings of Christians be affected if people heard Christians say "I doubt, but I believe too." Sometimes I think we say we believe, tell ourselves we believe because we are so afraid of doubt. And sometimes I think we build up false idols around things we can believe, around dogmatism, just because we can comfort our own doubts by having a strict litany of things we rehearse in our head as what we believe. Especially in a world of doubters that sees clergy as unfailing believers, perhaps the human frailties of doubt might not be a bad thing to show now and then. After all, Peter denied Jesus three times. Peter, whom the church was to be built upon, doubted. We've all heard sermons on "Doubting Thomas" and how he gets a bad rap. It's probably true. How powerful an image is it that Jesus didn't really get mad at Thomas. Jesus was patient and showed Thomas what he needed to see. I don't know why we live in a world where God allows doubt, but I do know it is one of the types of suffering that exists in this world.

I doubt, but I believe too.